The 5th Annual Barbie Awards  

mc_justmc 59M  
1162 posts
8/11/2018 8:28 pm
The 5th Annual Barbie Awards

It's time once again to take a peek at the best new Barbies coming soon to a store near you! First up is

Legal Immigrant Barbie



She's blonde. She's beautiful. She's European. She's In! No red tape, no questions asked, just raise her right hand and take an oath and she's on her way to becoming a productive American citizen. If she can't find a fat, rich American real estate billionaire to marry she'll be the hottest new star in the porn industry! Legal Immigrant Barbie comes complete with passport, citizenship papers, and life-like legs ready to spread for any occasion. *chain-migration relatives NOT included.

DWI Barbie



This hot mess of polyvinyl chloride was just picked up in a bar room brawl! And she's got the scars to prove it! With her vomit matted hair, Alice Cooper mascara, and bloody lip she's just gettin' started. This Barbie comes complete with black roots, attitude, and several cans o'whoop ass, and she's ready to open every Gott Damm one of 'em! *sobriety and bail NOT included.

Colonoscopy Barbie



Well, Barbie's over 50 yrs old, so it's time to get "snaked". Regularly. You'll have hours of fun prepping, anesthetizing, and reaming this backdoor Barbie, and making crude jokes at her expense while she dreams she's riding a carousel pole. This Barbie comes complete with anal snake, butthole, and polyps. *PVC lube NOT included.

Speed Whore Barbie



This twitchy, tweaking, bag of bones will do anything for a bump. Honestly. Anything. Get ready to party all night long because this bitch NEVER goes to sleep. With this Barbie you'll have days on end of fun learning your grams, ounces, and pounds, how to cut them, and how to package them. This Barbie is a nightmare that never ends and comes complete with a dime bag, glass pipe, carton of cigarettes, and open facial sores. *condoms NOT included.

Cornpone Country Barbie



Barbie's gone off to the hills and she ain't never coming back! Moonshining, cousin loving, banjo picking, this Barbie is most comfortable barefoot and squeeling like a pig in her cut-offs, and shirt, sewn from a Stuckey's diningroom table cloth. With calloused knees and elbows this Barbie put the Ho in Hoedown and there ain't a haystack in 5 counties that hasn't seen her "MADE IN CHINA" tramp stamp. This country bumpkin comes complete with way too much eye shadow, non-existent dental work, and a butthole that doubles as a bottle opener. *any intelligence not included.

Well that's it for this years Barbithon. If there's any I missed, feel free to add them in the comments section. Where the hell is BiggLala, she tore this post up last time we did it.

mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 8:34 pm

stroke happym;, stroke happym;, stroke happym;


superbjversion2 64F  
15703 posts
8/11/2018 8:41 pm

Awesome. Absolutely awesome!!

I put the sex in sexagenarian


redrockrascal 60M
19938 posts
8/11/2018 8:53 pm

I barfed when I saw Speed Whore Barbie and my keyboard will never be the same. amp;

You ain't the only one who misses her, I've had a few inquiries. I've had a bit of chat with Lala she is dealing with some things. I'm not at liberty to say more or I would have posted up.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


s2ndegree 60M  
8945 posts
8/11/2018 9:00 pm

Is the speed whore of Ethiopian descent?
She looks like she could be the Nilsbury noboy's
daughter.(National Lampoon ad)

Some great choices and they look so real.
Thanks for the great gift ideas for the niece's
daughters.

Using more than all the road!


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:09 pm

Why Thank You! I'm glad you enjoyed them.


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:10 pm

    Quoting  :

yep, Barbie ain't got none of that. Thanks for commenting.


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:13 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    I barfed when I saw Speed Whore Barbie and my keyboard will never be the same. amp;

    You ain't the only one who misses her, I've had a few inquiries. I've had a bit of chat with Lala she is dealing with some things. I'm not at liberty to say more or I would have posted up.
The Speed Ho is rough. Well, let her know she's missed.


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:15 pm

    Quoting s2ndegree:
    Is the speed whore of Ethiopian descent?
    She looks like she could be the Nilsbury noboy's
    daughter.(National Lampoon ad)

    Some great choices and they look so real.
    Thanks for the great gift ideas for the niece's
    daughters.
I think she's of Methamphetamine descent.


pagancountrygirl 61F
4106 posts
8/11/2018 9:31 pm

There are lots of us missing Lala. I've made some more soap for her, but it looks like at least 4 of your Barbies need it more than she does! Holy crap...some of them are scary!

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


Paulxx001 62M
8918 posts
8/11/2018 9:40 pm

All of them seem worthy. Thanks for the laugh...

Words are like meatloaf- they can be sculpted into any shape you choose.
I wrote, a one word blog.How Short Can It Be And Still


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:52 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    There are lots of us missing Lala. I've made some more soap for her, but it looks like at least 4 of your Barbies need it more than she does! Holy crap...some of them are scary!
They are some dirty, dirty, girls. I'm including Lala.


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/11/2018 9:54 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    All of them seem worthy. Thanks for the laugh...
Your very welcome.


SeaGirlFL 55F  
8316 posts
8/11/2018 10:46 pm

lmao. Those are funny!

Thank you for the giggles!

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


dayzeeme 50F
6738 posts
8/11/2018 10:48 pm

holy mother of god I am glad I was never into Barbies!!! Yikes!! But, colonoscopy Barbie looks pretty accurate. Maybe include a shot of versed to help her forget the procedure?


pocogato12 67F  
27148 posts
8/12/2018 4:45 am

VERSED yep just what they all need to help forget what they are here for. OMG this is so funny I have to share elsewhere- ya' know pimp it my style
Thanks for the Sunday humor

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/12/2018 4:30 pm

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    lmao. Those are funny!

    Thank you for the giggles!
Your welcome


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/12/2018 4:32 pm

    Quoting dayzeeme:
    holy mother of god I am glad I was never into Barbies!!! Yikes!! But, colonoscopy Barbie looks pretty accurate. Maybe include a shot of versed to help her forget the procedure?
maybe a shot of versed and a few years of therapy?


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/12/2018 4:33 pm

    Quoting pocogato12:
    VERSED yep just what they all need to help forget what they are here for. OMG this is so funny I have to share elsewhere- ya' know pimp it my style
    Thanks for the Sunday humor
Now I want some versed.


mature_951 57F  
3275 posts
8/12/2018 7:29 pm

which one did you see at the grocery store?

"You can stroke people with words."


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/13/2018 6:28 am

    Quoting mature_951:
    which one did you see at the grocery store?
I think I've seen every one of them at one time or another.


sweet_VM 60F  
80083 posts
8/19/2018 8:47 am

You made me laugh today ty mc. Hugs V

Become a blog watcher sweet_vm


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/19/2018 11:36 am

    Quoting sweet_VM:
    You made me laugh today ty mc. Hugs V
your welcome


GratefulGirl69 50F

8/20/2018 10:13 pm

Oh my gosh- how did I miss this??? These are all sooo wrong that they're right! I love the idea of having such an iconic figure as Barbie be adjusted to represent real world situations. And we need more!

It sounds silly (and not very unique) nowadays, but back in the 90s, a friend and I had a running joke about modernizing the "Curious George" book series... like "Curious George Has Two Mommies" and "Curious George Trips on Acid" and "Curious George In a Mosh Pit"... that sort of thing. And these days, I've been thinking of new additions, like "Curious George Runs For President (Make America Ape Again!)."

And I can totally carry that thinking over to Barbie. Like, there could be a Biker Barbie, with tats and a ratty denim vest over a T-shirt that proclaims "I'm his bitch".... or going with the immigration theme, we need a Deported Barbie... dressed like the maid of an upscale west-coast family, a little Skipper-like kid clinging to her leg... or how about a Gender Reassignment Barbie? Or would that be a Gender Reassignment Ken?? Either way, the accessory kit includes detachable male genitalia.

Great stuff! Thanks for the hilarity!!


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/22/2018 10:23 am

Are you who I think you are? I'll definitely check that out Joiseyg- I mean funloveragain.


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/22/2018 9:31 pm

    Quoting  :

Hahahaha too true! It's good to see you again!


author51 56F  
75837 posts
8/25/2018 9:09 am

Makes me glad I was into G.I.Joe and Tonka trucks.These are hilarious.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/25/2018 10:03 am

    Quoting author51:
    Makes me glad I was into G.I.Joe and Tonka trucks.These are hilarious.
GI Joe could have his own twisted line, hmmmmmm.


lindoboy100 56M
20226 posts
8/27/2018 3:51 pm



Ah but wait!! I recognise yon colonoscopy!!!

We get shit kits over here every two years from the age of 50 to 75, I assume they reckon that after 75 there's nae hope for ye anyway.......But aye, the shit kits are a bi-annual (anal?) highlight in the land of the jock where tartan jobbies float taller and prouder than anywhere else!!

Cheese-oh mind, I'd nae clue that Barbie could be so diverse, ken must be rred raw pumping them aw the time!!

Wake up and hold yer noses.........


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/28/2018 4:49 am

    Quoting lindoboy100:


    Ah but wait!! I recognise yon colonoscopy!!!

    We get shit kits over here every two years from the age of 50 to 75, I assume they reckon that after 75 there's nae hope for ye anyway.......But aye, the shit kits are a bi-annual (anal?) highlight in the land of the jock where tartan jobbies float taller and prouder than anywhere else!!

    Cheese-oh mind, I'd nae clue that Barbie could be so diverse, ken must be rred raw pumping them aw the time!!
Ken was so raw his "accessory" fell off!


mc_justmc 59M  
4727 posts
8/28/2018 4:50 am

    Quoting GratefulGirl69:
    Oh my gosh- how did I miss this??? These are all sooo wrong that they're right! I love the idea of having such an iconic figure as Barbie be adjusted to represent real world situations. And we need more!

    It sounds silly (and not very unique) nowadays, but back in the 90s, a friend and I had a running joke about modernizing the "Curious George" book series... like "Curious George Has Two Mommies" and "Curious George Trips on Acid" and "Curious George In a Mosh Pit"... that sort of thing. And these days, I've been thinking of new additions, like "Curious George Runs For President (Make America Ape Again!)."

    And I can totally carry that thinking over to Barbie. Like, there could be a Biker Barbie, with tats and a ratty denim vest over a T-shirt that proclaims "I'm his bitch".... or going with the immigration theme, we need a Deported Barbie... dressed like the maid of an upscale west-coast family, a little Skipper-like kid clinging to her leg... or how about a Gender Reassignment Barbie? Or would that be a Gender Reassignment Ken?? Either way, the accessory kit includes detachable male genitalia.

    Great stuff! Thanks for the hilarity!!
Your Welcome!


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