Not-So-Erotic Thoughts
This is Me (my Intro)

*THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT - I have HSV2 and this is your disclosure notice. If you don’t know what it is, do your due diligence or ask me to email you a fact sheet about the stats - I’m not going to give you a personal lecture right out of the gate. Read my blogpost FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE for more about this. It does not depict my moral values - it is a medical skin condition (think Chickenpox, Shingles, Cold Sores) that MANY people have or have experienced. If this is not your cup of tea, feel free to move on - no harm, no foul.

*I am looking for a LTR and make no apologies about this. In lieu of a LTR, I’ll take a fun and satisfying FWB situation while I’m looking for my LTR elsewhere. If I can’t find either, I’ll settle for some amusing and thought-provoking conversation.

*I'm a straight, white female, NOT INTERESTED in married or attached men, bi-anything, couples, group or lesbian activity.

*Do not ask me for naked pics of myself … I don’t have them, won’t take them ‘just for you,’ and consequently can’t share them with you. If you IM me, and are willing to share a face pic first, I will share my face pic … simple. Friends of mine can see a few additional face pics in my private folder. BTW, I will never ask you for naked pics of yourself that aren’t already on your profile - please don’t send them to me.

*I'm not into sexy chat online or camming, especially with anyone I haven’t met in person. If I go so far as to have a phone conversation with you and it turns sexual, chances are pretty good it’ll be the last time we speak.

*I'm 66 … I have my sexual moments, but please don’t buy into the hype that all older women are raging nymphomaniacs who want to become a notch on your bedpost; also, if you are a really young man (under 30), don’t think it comes across as a compliment to me when you say you want to score with an older woman … it doesn’t.

*If you start out with lewd suggestions or sexual questions in IM, I'll shut you down. Please be civil and if possible, a gentleman.

*I have an average/curvy body. I need to lose weight and am working on it but if we are strictly talking about physical appearances and attraction, I don't consider it hypocritical that I have a preference for an athletic or muscular man. Love and lust are apparently blind.

*I still work F/T - I might retire in 2019, I might not. I am NOT looking for a LTR with someone who plans to move to Florida and live in a trailer park nor am I looking for a meal ticket.

*I love movies, gardening, reading and a couple other things, but I don’t have ‘hobbies.’ Sports in general don’t turn me on, so if that’s a deal breaker, so be it.

*I’m a widow, and have 4 kids (by birth and by marriage).

*I like romance - go figure! If by this point you were thinking I am a ball-buster, you’d be wrong - I’m just looking for a man who is manly but loves and understands women as well, looking for someone on MY terms.

*I value equality in sexual expression (I’m not looking for a dominant man, nor do I want to be the dominant one in a relationship).


Okay, so I'm being a bit sarcastic with that meme ... I think I’m just average looking, but that’s really up to you to decide if we exchange pics.
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Degrees of “No” (a ramble on rejection techniques)
Posted:Jan 16, 2019 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 7:20 pm

Aside from the dead-serious issue of ‘no means no’ in the real world of sex, dating and other sexual activities, I have come to the conclusion that I have ‘degrees of no’ in my everyday vocabulary and responses to men in chat-land here.

For instance, to the question (or variation of) “wanna hook up?” my answers might be:

To all 20-somethings: … “Not a snowball’s chance in Hell” ...very often repeated more than once in a conversation.

To all 30-somethings: “Um, probably not” …meaning “Not a snowball’s chance in Hell” but with a sugar coating to avoid sounding too shrewish.

To most 40-45 year olds: “No, because I don’t think we are really a good match” ... meaning you’re still just a bit too young for me.

To some 45-60 year olds: “It’s been nice chatting with you, and good luck in your search!”... meaning you fit my age criteria, but you don’t meet any other criteria I have (unattractive to me, too far away, married, etc.)

To the 60+ group: BLOCK or no response to messages, meaning you’re not only beyond my age criteria, but mostly, I find you to be totally outside of every other criteria I have.

To anyone who just can’t take any form of ‘no’ for an answer and continues to ask, beg, whine cajole, or (God help us) threaten, there’s also the BLOCK option, which is the slamming door version of NO.

Posted:Jan 16, 2019 3:53 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 2:58 pm

I'll bet some of you thought it was going to be a Beatle's song rendition, eh?


More of a short recollection of two things that were somewhat notable for me personally yesterday.

January 15 - marked the 38th anniversary of the date I married my (late) husband. Some loves last forever, they are that significant.

Secondly, and not as pleasant, I took a dive on black ice in the parking lot where I park my car during work hours. I got as far as the tailgate of my truck, went to step around to the side to approach the driver's side doors, and what the!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woop Woop Woop, I was like one of those ridiculous gifs you see on Book of Faces where the poor schmuck can't get their balance on ice and does a maniacal dance like a marionette until they fall down. In my case, it was like a slow-mo freefall, doing some version of the splits, but coming down on both knees.

As if my knees weren't already shot-to-hell.

So much for yesterday.

Hoping today is much less ... emotional! LOL

Have a good one peepz.

Junk Drawers
Posted:Jan 12, 2019 5:45 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2019 4:25 pm

So my standard practice on weekends is to do things in a slow-but-steady pace ... chores, rest, some fun stuff. I still sometimes hate that I can't operate full-steam like a 35 yr old, lol, but those days are long gone. Anyway, chug-chug like the little engine.

Today I managed to do two short workouts on my Total Gym, fold up and pack away the double-size air mattress I slept on before my new bed arrived, three loads of laundry, washed the dishes, drank two pots of coffee, and cleaned out three junk drawers in my kitchen!

O.M.G. How many paper clips, rubber bands, thumbtacks, mismatched nuts and bolts, pencils without erasers and batteries can a one-person household have??

I should mention that I have slowly, over the past two years, been weeding through all the stuff in my home with the intention of downsizing, selling or simply clearing through the clutter. When I moved into this home in 2001, there were four of us living here: me, my (now late) husband, my mother and my teenage son. Now it's just me, and it's a 3-br, 2 bath with a full, finished basement, on just under an acre of land. Lots of work for a gal my age.

Anyway, the junk drawers. Symbolic in a way I think of the last decade of my life ... lots of things piling up but never quite resolved, so they get thrown in the 'junk drawer.' I cleaned out those drawers tonite and ended up with one full box full of stuff that should go back out to the garage (that's a whole 'nuther project). Still shuffling 'stuff' but at least it's getting it out of the house and back where it belongs. Gathered up a pint-size baggie full of paper clips that I'll take to work. Found enough batteries to power up a small city, lol. Threw out 5 tubes of weld and joint gunk (remnants of some misguided project my husband worked on, no doubt).

So altogether, the day was not totally unproductive, even if I never left the house. Yay me!
Posted:Jan 10, 2019 7:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2019 4:05 am

Although I don't go out of my way to look at blogs that mostly focus on pics of naked people, there are always the profile pics that are freely revealing of people's bodies. A veritable plethora of gawking material.

It occurs to me that men who have the most appealing bodies (appealing to me that is) sometimes have the least appealing faces.

I guess I am one of those people who is attracted, ultimately, to the face; it's a partial tie-breaker.

Anyone else this way?

Of course sometimes if we kick ourselves in the ass and get to know someone a little better we can begin to overlook their lack of physical attractiveness and see the more deeply buried beauty within them.

Ultimately it is a person's character that counts. Even the most beautiful or handsome person makes no difference to us if they are ugly inside.
Dating, Mingling, and other stuff...a middle of the night rant
Posted:Jan 7, 2019 12:58 am
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2019 12:31 am

Okay so for those of you who are reading this because the title caught your eye, it's just rambling at a nonsensical hour of the morning ... nothing too deep.

For the naysayers about ‘dating’ on Sex Friends, just keep it to yourself. This is not an advice article, and I'm not querying you to find out why you think 1) this is not a dating site, 2) anyone who comes here to date is a lunatic, or 3) I should be cast off the Sex Friends island. Remember the old adage, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Let's avoid the dramatic nonsense of the past few months in Blogland.

Okay, ground rules set.

I have changed my profile introduction several times, trying to find the right fit of content length, pertinent personal information, etc etc. I have gone from a lot of information, to no information, to a link that points to my blog. None of it seems to be the right combination to attract an interesting guy, but I keep trying.

I get asked a lot, why are you even here if you aren't DTF? It's not that I'm not DTF, but I have parameters. Why shouldn't I? If you are the kind of person who doesn't mind having sex on the first meetup, so be it. That's not my thing anymore. It wasn't out of the question when I was younger, but again, not anymore. But I don't condemn you ... go forth and copulate!

I've been criticized for being too 'jaded,' too 'negative.' Hmmm. Okay, but compared to whom? I would argue that a lot of women on this site seem to be jaded and negative, and experience tells us that people don't just pop out of their mother's womb in that frame of mind, lol. Attitudes come from a combination of nature, nurture and experiences. I prefer to think of myself as practical and realistic ... if I have certain opinions about the men who pursue me ... it's because I have practical life knowledge of where things inevitably lead. If I get 100 IM's from young men saying, "Wow, you're beautiful!" .... I tend to roll my eyes and wonder how fast I can get out of the IM before the inevitable next statement rolls onto the screen, 'do you like younger men,' or 'I've always wanted to be with an older woman,' or 'I'm just looking for some fun but if something comes of it ...'

And there is the thing that has got me writing at an obscenely early hour of the morning: 'if something comes of it.'

There are a million reasons that people don't want to date. I get it. It kind of terrifies me too ... I've been a widow for 10 years. I'm 66 years old. I have a medical issue that terrifies most men here, and I’m upfront about that (see my blog FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE for more information.) The candidate pool for finding an honest-to-God male that I can tolerate and who can tolerate me is getting pretty slim. And I'm still working on me ... trying to stay fit, trying to maintain what attractive characteristics I have before I turn into a full-blown crone ... it's a full-time job! LOL

But there are also a million reasons why people WANT to date. Companionship, a search for a LTR, to avoid loneliness, to feel as if we actually damn matter to someone in this world. Why can't we just admit it?

I get tired of people (mostly men) who say, 'this isn't a dating site.' Well, why the hell can't it be? If you and I chat, and we find that we have mutually-exclusive goals, then let's just move along, promise never to bother each other again, and let it go at that? Why does YOUR reason for being here have to be the only legitimate reason?

I don't want to be the woman-on-the-side, I don't want to be a notch on some 30-something's bedpost or an item checked off his bucket list, I don't want to be a caretaker for another sexagenarian who lost a spouse and needs a woman to wipe his ass for him, cook for him or clean his house in exchange for a place to live.

I do want to be attracted to a man, physically, mentally and emotionally. I think that's called being human. Once the 'fun' is out of our systems, we want more than to look at ourselves in the mirrors and say 'wow, that was fun, now what?'

Yeah, I'm on other 'regular' singles sites besides Sex Friends A lot of them are just the same bunch of people looking for sex, but masked as looking for relationships. It's still a constant ordeal of trying to filter out the fakes, phonies and players. So telling a person to go look somewhere else besides Sex Friends doesn't hold much water in my opinion. This is not your exclusive playground.

Let's just ask each other the right question to begin with, 'what are you looking for?', let's just give each other honest, unequivocal answers, and see what shakes loose?
Posted:Dec 9, 2018 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2019 4:14 am

I realize that I am treading some very dangerous water here by sharing this particular blog entry, but as the expression goes ‘the truth will set you free.’ Consider this a rare rant about something serious, something about sex, and something besides the frivolous commentary usually seen in blogs here.

Many of the profiles posted on this and similar sites contain the phrase “D&D free,” or similar wording. I don’t dispute that the owners of those profiles intend for that phrase to assure their potential lovers that no nasty bugs will pass during coitus, but it’s a weak bit of reassurance, IMO. Unless you are tested immediately before having sex with someone, and get those results immediately, your previous status means very little, especially since the standard tests are usually limited to about 6 different diseases, and there are about 30 actual STDs/STIs. Test results are only as good as the day your samples were tested; if you have sex the day after, you run the risk of becoming less-than D&D free. Nevertheless, I get it. It’s intended to imply … safety .. and the person in the profile is probably hoping that the self-labeling will get him/her laid quicker or more often.


From the perspective of a person with an incurable (but quite common) STD, please let me share my thoughts.

I contracted HSV2 from someone over 30 years ago and I didn't even know I had it until I had a breakout after I became a mother (the change in my personal biology probably triggered the breakout.) Sexual safety wasn’t as big an issue then as it is now, at least not in my social circle. The bigger concern was an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t know who gave it to me, and I’m not sure if he even knew he had it. Regardless, he was guilty of spreading an STD, and I was guilty of naivete and not asking the right question beforehand. Done and done.

But let’s put one thing right out there and dispel some misconceptions. Well, maybe a couple of things.

First, it only takes ONE sexual experience to contract a disease. It could be your first sexual encounter, or your 500th … it just takes one time with someone who carries a virus or a bacteria that could be passed to you. This is not a morality issue people … STDs are a fact of life, and everyone who is sexually active is subject to contracting something, sometime in their lifetime. And on the issue of morality … check any ‘holier-than-thou’-ness at the door. Consensual sex is not the only way to contract a disease; if you are a child you are just as likely to contract HSV1 by getting a kiss from your great Aunt Martha when you’re a kid and then guilty if you spread it as an adult to someone you have oral sex with. And lest we dare forget, victims of sexual assault are often the unluckiest of the unlucky … they are crime victims but can also be the unwilling recipient of STDs in the process. So much for moral judgments.

Second … it rankles me that a person without an STD (or perceived to have no infectious disease) calls themselves “clean,” while anyone with an STD is considered the opposite … “dirty.” This is how slut-shaming, stereotypes and bad jokes are allowed to exist unchecked. Consider that STDs or STIs have been at all-time highs for the past several years, and then decide if it’s wise to point the finger. How many people are guilty of spreading infection because they are in denial about their own health, too scared to disclose to potential partners, or just don’t give a damn about anyone else except themselves? How many of your friends or relatives may be silently suffering when the horrible jokes are made and everyone laughs about STDs, or when you brag about your own ‘cleanliness?’

I disclose to anyone I might be considering having sex with, if our relationship gets to that level, and I don't take it lightly. It is the right thing to do. And yes, it gets me shut down most of the time. And yes, I will get some email or responses to this that will consist of name-calling or lectures, telling me I’m dirty, disgusting or whatever other self-righteous beratement they can come up with. But that’s okay. I’d rather take the high road than be accused of being deceitful. I’d rather give a potential lover the choice, because I wasn’t given the choice and I have paid the price. WIth medication, use of condoms and avoidance during times when I am most likely to pass an infection, there is only about a 1% chance of me spreading my illness to a partner. I was married for 32 years and my late husband never contracted it. Much better odds to have sex with me than with someone who doesn’t know their risk factor, or worse, who knows and doesn’t disclose to you. Just saying...

Don’t tell me you’re sorry about my situation, and don’t give in to the hype. Speak your truth and support others who are not brave enough to speak their own truth yet.

The truth will set us all free.

To link to this blog (Granny872) use [blog Granny872] in your messages.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Degrees of “No” (a ramble on rejection techniques) (6)porterpiper1
Jan 16, 2019 6:01 pm
Yesterday (3)justskin1
Jan 16, 2019 5:18 am
Junk Drawers (16)Eviloutlaw1
Jan 14, 2019 3:35 am
Mismatches (23)missthee
Jan 11, 2019 8:17 am
Dating, Mingling, and other stuff...a middle of the night rant (15)positively4you
Jan 7, 2019 8:43 pm
Jan 7, 2019 2:44 am