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Not feeling it.  

SilyconBond 55M
193 posts
7/21/2020 7:07 pm

Last Read:
7/27/2020 3:30 am

Not feeling it.


Sorting through my feelings is hard. I have a lot of life behind me, and just sex doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I’m social. I need to do things socially besides sex.

Sex, for sex sake, doesn’t make me happy. I love the adventure around it. I couldn’t stop myself last week when it seemed like I had a clear path to getting in bed with someone new. Not just a path, she paved an eight-lane highway for me. I believed I was seducing them, but now I know. She was seducing me and was just bad at it.

I fucked up really bad in the past with my own enlightenment. I had a sure thing going with this woman for almost a year. Every time I met up with her, sex. The sex was awesome. Only, she wouldn’t go out in public with me. Couldn’t get her to go out to dinner with me, go for walks, take dance lessons. She wouldn’t let another person in the same room as me. Wanted me to hide in the bedroom if someone knocked on her door. Her hidden secret, like most vibrators.

I was slow to catch on, after all, sexually I was being satisfied. I have a high libido and she had a high one too. Sometimes it was twice a day with her, and on Saturdays, Sundays, more.

Six months in, right after we had early morning sex. I asked her if she would go to IHOP with me. She declined. She declined every offer of doing anything that wasn’t in her bed or on her couch. For the next couple of months, I accepted it. She really blossomed during those months, getting better and better sexually. We talked, but never outside of her house.

Eventually, I had to travel out of town for work and offered to let her stay in the hotel with me over the weekend. That was our break up point. I worked. She managed other people over the phone from home. She was embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Which I found ironic because I met her at Chili’s bar, in public. We parted.

Saturday morning, I went over to the couple’s house as I had committed. She let me in. This time, she was in a pretty lacey nightgown.

Her husband was on the couch, wearing a face mask, sleeping. I could smell vomit coming from a small wastebasket set next to him.

“Does he have the Covid?” I asked.

“He drank the water up near where you live.” She said. Something about boiling water from the tap, whatever.

She led me up to their bedroom. She yawned three times before we got there.

“The ?” I asked.

“Staying the night with my mom.” She said.

The puke smell wouldn’t leave my nostrils. I got just inside the bedroom door when she started to kiss me, and I could smell alcohol on her breath. “Drinking early? “ I asked.

“I needed it for courage this morning.” She said, then she yawned again as we kissed.

“Maybe you should get some sleep instead,” I said and led her to the bed.

“but I want sex.” She said and yawned again. Her body movements were jerky and slow.

“How about you take a nap, and we all go out for breakfast or lunch, then have sex? I’m off all day.” I said.

“We can’t go out in public with you. What if someone sees us?” She said. I eased her under the covers.

That statement was a slap in face to me. I didn’t say anything. I lied with my smile. I cupped her tit to reassure her, but I knew this wasn’t for me. She closed her eyes.

I walked downstairs. Her husband didn’t move. The puke smell. Ugh, poor guy. I let myself out.

I don’t know what other people do to think. Me, I vacuumed my car and cleaned the interior of it. As it got hotter, I got a call around 10 from him. He was feeling better by his tone. I tested him. “I’m having lunch at Chisos Grill in an hour. I’ll buy if you two show up.”

“I could make it, but she won’t come.” He said.

“What if I pick somewhere else?” I asked.

“Well…ah….” He answered. I could hear her answer on the other side. So it was just sex and nothing else.

“Hey, anytime you want to hang out. Give me a call. You don’t have to bring her.” I said.

“I dunno if that’s a good idea. How about you bring it over here to eat?” He asked.

“I’m not waiting. Maybe we’ll talk later.” I said. I was already severing my connection to them. How to end on a positive note? I couldn’t think of anything. Luckily we just said goodbye. I thought for sure they would ghost me just like the last couple I talked to from this site.

I was angry. Not at them. At myself. I had fallen into sex is good enough but nothing else is trap…again. It’s the again part that is really bothering me. Luckily I got away with just two interactions, but I know me. If I was to go a month without someone touching me, I would reach out, even to them/her. Telling myself this time will be different. I hate my brain sometimes.

All that, and it gave me a headache. I wrote about my experience after that.

Sunday she called me. She sounded desperate on the phone. When I explained to her what I wanted, she cried. Telling me she couldn’t break up with her husband. That wasn’t what I said or wanted. For whatever reason, she thought she could read my mind. After the call, I laughed. I wanted something to bring me out of my boredom I had been feeling for a while. Does it have to be that extreme? Wrong assumptions and this is the weird part, even telling her right out, she said I found her ugly? It didn’t make any sense. She wasn’t ugly. This is the third girl to play the I'm ugly card on me, what gives?

What happened to all that bravado she showed me the first time? I’m letting it go, but it’s really hard to not think about it. I’m a fixer. Fixing things is what I do. Ugh! I hate throwing something in the trash because I couldn’t figure it out such as machines, people, etc. I know the simulation is laughing at me.

SilyconBond 55M
148 posts
7/21/2020 7:07 pm

Sorting through my feelings is hard. I have a lot of life behind me, and just sex doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I’m social. I need to do things socially besides sex.

Sex, for sex sake, doesn’t make me happy. I love the adventure around it. I couldn’t stop myself last week when it seemed like I had a clear path to getting in bed with someone new. Not just a path, she paved an eight-lane highway for me. I believed I was seducing them, but now I know. She was seducing me and was just bad at it.

I fucked up really bad in the past with my own enlightenment. I had a sure thing going with this woman for almost a year. Every time I met up with her, sex. The sex was awesome. Only, she wouldn’t go out in public with me. Couldn’t get her to go out to dinner with me, go for walks, take dance lessons. She wouldn’t let another person in the same room as me. Wanted me to hide in the bedroom if someone knocked on her door. Her hidden secret, like most vibrators.

I was slow to catch on, after all, sexually I was being satisfied. I have a high libido and she had a high one too. Sometimes it was twice a day with her, and on Saturdays, Sundays, more.

Six months in, right after we had early morning sex. I asked her if she would go to IHOP with me. She declined. She declined every offer of doing anything that wasn’t in her bed or on her couch. For the next couple of months, I accepted it. She really blossomed during those months, getting better and better sexually. We talked, but never outside of her house.

Eventually, I had to travel out of town for work and offered to let her stay in the hotel with me over the weekend. That was our break up point. I worked. She managed other people over the phone from home. She was embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Which I found ironic because I met her at Chili’s bar, in public. We parted.

Saturday morning, I went over to the couple’s house as I had committed. She let me in. This time, she was in a pretty lacey nightgown.

Her husband was on the couch, wearing a face mask, sleeping. I could smell vomit coming from a small wastebasket set next to him.

“Does he have the Covid?” I asked.

“He drank the water up near where you live.” She said. Something about boiling water from the tap, whatever.

She led me up to their bedroom. She yawned three times before we got there.

“The kids?” I asked.

“Staying the night with my mom.” She said.

The puke smell wouldn’t leave my nostrils. I got just inside the bedroom door when she started to kiss me, and I could smell alcohol on her breath. “Drinking early? “ I asked.

“I needed it for courage this morning.” She said, then she yawned again as we kissed.

“Maybe you should get some sleep instead,” I said and led her to the bed.

“but I want sex.” She said and yawned again. Her body movements were jerky and slow.

“How about you take a nap, and we all go out for breakfast or lunch, then have sex? I’m off all day.” I said.

“We can’t go out in public with you. What if someone sees us?” She said. I eased her under the covers.

That statement was a slap in face to me. I didn’t say anything. I lied with my smile. I cupped her tit to reassure her, but I knew this wasn’t for me. She closed her eyes.

I walked downstairs. Her husband didn’t move. The puke smell. Ugh, poor guy. I let myself out.

I don’t know what other people do to think. Me, I vacuumed my car and cleaned the interior of it. As it got hotter, I got a call around 10 from him. He was feeling better by his tone. I tested him. “I’m having lunch at Chisos Grill in an hour. I’ll buy if you two show up.”

“I could make it, but she won’t come.” He said.

“What if I pick somewhere else?” I asked.

“Well…ah….” He answered. I could hear her answer on the other side. So it was just sex and nothing else.

“Hey, anytime you want to hang out. Give me a call. You don’t have to bring her.” I said.

“I dunno if that’s a good idea. How about you bring it over here to eat?” He asked.

“I’m not waiting. Maybe we’ll talk later.” I said. I was already severing my connection to them. How to end on a positive note? I couldn’t think of anything. Luckily we just said goodbye. I thought for sure they would ghost me just like the last couple I talked to from this site.

I was angry. Not at them. At myself. I had fallen into sex is good enough but nothing else is trap…again. It’s the again part that is really bothering me. Luckily I got away with just two interactions, but I know me. If I was to go a month without someone touching me, I would reach out, even to them/her. Telling myself this time will be different. I hate my brain sometimes.

All that, and it gave me a headache. I wrote about my experience after that.

Sunday she called me. She sounded desperate on the phone. When I explained to her what I wanted, she cried. Telling me she couldn’t break up with her husband. That wasn’t what I said or wanted. For whatever reason, she thought she could read my mind. After the call, I laughed. I wanted something to bring me out of my boredom I had been feeling for a while. Does it have to be that extreme? Wrong assumptions and this is the weird part, even telling her right out, she said I found her ugly? It didn’t make any sense. She wasn’t ugly. This is the third girl to play the I'm ugly card on me, what gives?

What happened to all that bravado she showed me the first time? I’m letting it go, but it’s really hard to not think about it. I’m a fixer. Fixing things is what I do. Ugh! I hate throwing something in the trash because I couldn’t figure it out such as machines, people, etc. I know the simulation is laughing at me.


SilyconBond 55M
148 posts
7/22/2020 4:41 am

    Quoting  :

I'm taking this advice and running with it. Thank you.


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