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No show , No contact , last miute cancellations  

Jchris2018 44M/38F  
67 posts
10/13/2019 6:05 pm
No show , No contact , last miute cancellations


Lifestyle BLOG posting from a couple with a psychology degree in human behavioral studies and a former professional dating coach.

WRITTEN OCTOBER 13th ,2019

This will be one of our shortest articles.

We do a lot of work to set expectations , make plans, confirm and reconfirm when trying to meet a new person-date , location , & time to meet as well as clear our schedules to ensure that we are available.

We are consistently cancelled on last minute, or even worse no contact , no show after hours, days , or even weeks of text messaging and calls.

You cant be successful on any site if you DON'T SHOW UP.

We are tired, frustrated and disappointed by the lack of courtesy our society offers others.

Over 80% of plans on this site never show up -- This is one of the major reasons that people QUIT the lifestyle and using online sites of this nature- due to so many lies, fakes, and people that simply cant keep a promise to meet.

Simple message -- have some integrity and courtesy for others time and effort.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
10/16/2019 2:49 pm

Saddened that it seems to be the norm. ... The "Normal" online. Sure. This is to be expected when you are online dealing with people who only know you as some words on a screen and some pictures. If you went to an actual physical Swingers Club, interacting would be far different.

Courtesy and integrity is lacking as a human dynamic. ..... "Online" is NOT a human dynamic, it's a technological dynamic. Sterile. Unknown. Void of that human element our senses can react to, to acquire sensual perception of another.

We feel that many dont articulate this part of the lifestyle. ..... Because you're only some words on a screen.

We truly wish it was better not only for us but for all members to have a better understanding of the landscape and true nature of online dating. ..... The true nature of online dating, is extremely dangerous. People react first to what their imagination of the other, tells them.

The only way to do that is to be vocal in the hope that it makes a better community for all of us. .... No. Being vocal will not change people into going along with the blindness of online technology.

of course most dont give a shit. .... There's nothing human to give a shit about , that's just it.

but it doesn't mean we cant be caring and expressive for the benefit of our swinger community ourselves. .... Sure, you can, but your online Swinging community is still only staring at a screen with images and words. No human dynamic, no exchange of sense information. Don't expect others to be like you, online.


Jchris2018 replies on 10/18/2019 1:46 pm:
All very good points..

Although one rebuttal. There is a human dynamic when you transitioned from ONLINE words and text to making plans, chatting and interacting via telephone and video verify.

This is part of our point as well- Once you move to a more direct medium of communication - we wish there was more courtesy and human dynamic---since both parties have made effort , time and planning to meet.

This was not just about the words on the screen , but the progression towards other communication to meet, which still ends in a high volume of cancels and no shows.

However, we do appreciate the the interaction here with you and regardless of whether or not people agree

It is always good to see sharing of ideas whether negative or positive.

Still offers insight to hear and learn from others. Regardless of your disposition on the topic.

That we feel is valuable. Even if we are the only 3 reading it <

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
10/15/2019 3:56 pm

So 20 years experience, then why now are you all upset about some no-shows?


Jchris2018 replies on 10/16/2019 11:08 am:
Saddened that it seems to be the norm. Courtesy and integrity is lacking as a human dynamic.

We feel that many dont articulate this part of the lifestyle. We truly wish it was better not only for us but for all members to have a better understanding of the landscape and true nature of online dating.

The only way to do that is to be vocal in the hope that it makes a better community for all of us.

of course most dont give a shit.. but it doesn't mean we cant be caring and expressive for the benefit of our swinger community ourselves.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
10/14/2019 3:59 pm

20 yrs experience in the lifestyle , stats have not changed.

Really? 20 years experience "In this lifestyle"... oh bs. That would make your woman 11 yo and you 16 yo....


Jchris2018 replies on 10/15/2019 12:52 pm:
Love when people read context--Never said BOTH OF US HAVE 20 years

MALE half 20 years in lifestyle since age 18
Some math for people that want to follow along
18+20 = 38 years old.

As a couple , we have been in lifestyle for 6 years together.

Jchris2018 44M/38F  
12 posts
10/14/2019 9:36 am

Yes, ALL meet plans are double confirmed, via text, Voice verify and message on the site email.

other article
Why do so few people meet & where has the integrity gone in society-STATISTICAL EVALUATION.

There are a few other articles in blogs that explain true dating site statistics

20 yrs experience in the lifestyle , stats have not changed.

text, chat and video -- lets say 15 mins to an hour over different time periods. Multiple texts answering questions, etc

Clearing schedule means both of us having free time to go out and rather than going VANILLA plans choose to meet for lifestyle reasons.

YES , of course no issue if people dont show .. we have fun by ourselves... but still frustrating to say the least


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
10/14/2019 2:15 am

How much are you clearing your schedule for these first meetings?

Don't make a big deal out of it. Clear 10 or 20 minutes for a first meeting, and meet as soon as possible. Also, always have a plan B if they are a no-show so your journey "There" is not a total waste of your time. Like food shopping, or dinner with your spouse.

But never , never invite someone to meet you for the first time to sit through a meal and drinks with them... Don't do that. Only 10 to 20 minutes or less.

When you all feel no burden of obligation to stay and talk, or feel the un-comfortableness of, "When should I leave"...... having that 10 - 20 minute window to make introductions [then leave] is a lot easier on everyone,.

Try that. You might find there are fewer no-shows that way.


Jchris2018 replies on 10/14/2019 9:28 am:
Have tried all of that as well -

There are a few other articles in blogs and yes, TEXT, Site message and Voice verify.

20 yrs experience in the lifestyle , stats have not changed.

other article
Why do so few people meet & where has the integrity gone in society-STATISTICAL EVALUATION.

text, chat and video -- lets say 15 mins to an hour over different time periods.

YES , of course no issue if people dont show .. we have fun by ourselves... but still frustrating to say the least

SkinnyNinja13 27M

10/13/2019 9:06 pm

The transition from keyboard to face-to-face is a muthafucka!!


GiveULots06 63M

10/13/2019 8:05 pm

It is frustrating when there is a lack of courtesy.


redrockrascal 65M
23580 posts
10/13/2019 7:58 pm

    Quoting fithandyman:
    Do you ever voice verify first before taking a chance? I think you could raise your percentages that way
This is it. Just about every profile that whines about no shows etc. FAIL to talk (NOT text) to the person they "think" they have a date with.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


Jchris2018 replies on 10/14/2019 9:26 am:
There are a few other articles in blogs and yes, TEXT, Site message and Voice verify.

20 yrs experience in the lifestyle , stats have not changed.

other article
Why do so few people meet & where has the integrity gone in society-STATISTICAL EVALUATION.

text, chat and video -- lets say 15 mins to an hour over different time periods.

YES , of course no issue if people dont show .. we have fun by ourselves... but still frustrating to say the least

PlayTimeWitU64 58M

10/13/2019 7:58 pm

it's simply not easy.


noname1233215 43M

10/13/2019 7:58 pm

lol u wont be successfull if u dont show up lol made me laugh.. thanks


mike1958773 65M
945 posts
10/13/2019 7:48 pm

en lo personal he tenido encuentros sin contratiempos estando de acuerdo con el usuario me gusta ser serio y formal x educación


HedonistSwitch87 36M

10/13/2019 7:46 pm

Sounds about normal for this site. At least the person was real lol.


rickranger1958 66M
15 posts
10/13/2019 7:39 pm

Flakes'n Fakes.


bandit5_0 54M
79 posts
10/13/2019 7:34 pm

Of all the women I've met on here I've only been stood up ONE time and looking back I should have seen that one coming.

I've met couples that have shared some bad experiences when trying to meet single men - problem is most men think/hope the women really is single and when it becomes obvious hubby is with they bail (head a story where the single guy was actually standing in the restaurant lobby when he ran away LMA.

No to be fair, if you're going through that much effort to clear your schedule to ensure that both of you are available then you're already setting yourself up for failure - meet someplace not too far from where you live and have a couple of drinks whether or not the other shows up - you should be able to have a decent time regardless. If you're using kids/work as an excuse for being so busy then you need to rethink your priorities because what you are trying to do isn't really for you.

I could go on and on with how to screen people to see if they are real but I will not. No matter what you can always look for a swinger group and attend a party - people do show up for those.,


Jchris2018 replies on 10/14/2019 10:03 am:
Yes, ALL meet plans are double confirmed, via text, Voice verify and message on the site email.

other article
Why do so few people meet & where has the integrity gone in society-STATISTICAL EVALUATION.

There are a few other articles in blogs that explain true dating site statistics

20 yrs experience in the lifestyle , stats have not changed.

text, chat and video -- lets say 15 mins to an hour over different time periods. Multiple texts answering questions, etc

Clearing schedule means both of us having free time to go out and rather than going VANILLA plans choose to meet for lifestyle reasons.

Most men thinking woman is single should be irrelevant due to the high level of detail in profile and the fact that it is listed as a couple.

Also , no kids, and are not using anything as an excuse about being busy. Making choice to clear an opening to meet for lifestyle reasons means OPPORTUNITY cost that we gave up some where else.. not meeting friends or family on that given night for example.

We see you listed that you have had great success over the yrs, given the thousands of couples and single people we have come in contact with via this site, swing clubs, hedonism etc.. your experience is extremely rare that you have not had as many cancellations as most people report.

YES , of course no issue if people dont show .. we have fun by ourselves... but still frustrating to say the least

fithandyman 49M

10/13/2019 7:22 pm

Do you ever voice verify first before taking a chance? I think you could raise your percentages that way


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